NORMAL GUYS AND DATING
by Okie White
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NORMAL GUYS AND DATING by Okie White |
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IN MY HUMBLE OPINION ROkie White FEATURED COLUMNIST R Ray Collins FICTION |
It wasn't the type of story I enjoy reading with my first cup of coffee. I usually read the editorials and the funnies before scanning the blood-soaked headlines, but it was Sunday and the editorials are harder to find. The headline grabbed my attention – Once with the In-Crowd – another side to murderer, pal says. It was a typical alleged murderer's profile piece. You know the kind. The ones where everyone says the accused was your regular nice guy – a little quiet but smart, friendly, nonviolent, loved his mother, ate apple pie, never even had a traffic ticket before this incident. The type of profile that is published a surprising number of times after the alleged murderer is arrested and charged. It does make one wonder why these types of stories are never written about alleged kidnappers, theives, spies and tax evaders. Do we expect an alleged murderer to be somehow nicer? Someone who snapped at a stressful moment? Maybe he’s a nice guy and the police arrested the wrong man. But that’s another article altogether. What snagged my interest in this particular story – what made me gag on my coffee and splutter little coffee droplets all over the paper – was a comment by the aforementioned high school “pal” that his friend “dated some of the best-looking girls..." This was an attempt by the pal to assure the reader that his friend was just your normal, average guy. As if every normal, average guy only “dated…the best-looking girls.” It made me stop reading and think. Not only because a wet newspaper is harder to read but also because I’d never connected having an attractive date with fitting in. We were talking about normalcy weren't we? Your normal, ordinary guy doing what is expected of average, regular guys. What is this telling me? I wondered while shaking the paper out to dry. What is the connection? Why best-looking and not good-looking or nice or popular or well…any other qualifier? I thought it important to ferret out the meaning because I have three sons and like to be ready with answers to their most perplexing questions about life. For instance, what if one of my sons were to ask: "Hey, Mom, I really like this girl, she's smart and funny and I'd like to date her but she's not one of the best-looking girls---do you think the other guys will laugh at me if I ask her out?"Being a mother I would, of course, realize my son was asking me if he could date this girl and still be considered normal, a member of the in-crowd. Remembering my own teenage years I would sympathize. Squeezing into that round hole of uniformity is important at this age even if you do have a few right angles. "Yes, son," I would be forced to say. "In ten, fifteen years no one will remember that she was smart or funny, only whether or not she was good-looking. Normal guys only date the best-looking girls." "But you and Dad dated before you were married. Does that mean Dad's not normal?" "No, son," I would answer truthfully through clenched teeth, "your father is near-sighted and refuses to wear his glasses." "Maybe, I better start wearing my glasses." It is sometimes a burden to have precocious children. But, I’m jumping ahead of myself here. For starters doesn't the average, normal guy have to make some determinations about where the cutoff line is for the best-looking girls? How does he figure out if a girl is one of the best-looking or one of the worst-looking? Does he only consider the top ten percent? Twenty percent? Maybe even fifty percent? Suppose this same son were to ask: "Hey, Mom, I'd really like to ask this girl out, but I think she's only in the fiftieth percentile based on her appearance. Is that considered one of the best-looking girls or one of the worst-looking girls?" This is one of those truly tough "where do you draw the line?" questions and I’ve never been good at drawing lines. I suppose I could advise him based on my experiences with blind dates. "Does she have a good personality?" "Yeah, Mom, she's got a great personality." "Then she's one of the worst-looking," I could safely advise. And since we're talking percentages here, does it apply to a specific age group or all females combined? Is that of all the girls in a classroom? In the school? In town? In the nation? In the universe? Perhaps a few weeks later this same inquisitive son might ask: "Hey, Mom, I was talking to two girls in the hall today and I would like to ask the best-looking one out. Does best-looking count it there are only two girls in the group?"It boggles my mind. I’ve never had a good grasp of statistics. "Go ask your father," I would be forced to say. "He's an auditor." I'm not sure I can handle all the implications of normal guys dating only the best-looking girls. Certainly, this is just an opinion of normalcy from one person. And maybe he misspoke or was misquoted. I hope it was a slip. Otherwise, I will be forced to take a course in statistics to maintain credibility with my three sons. |