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IN MY HUMBLE OPINION ROkie White FEATURED COLUMNIST R Ray Collins FICTION |
1 C sugar 4 large eggs 2 C dried fruit 1 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. salt 1 C brown sugar lemon juice nuts 1 bottle 8 year-old Kentucky bourbon whiskey Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey to make sure it’s from Kentucky. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat if necessary. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 C of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is 8 years old. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whishkey again-- make sure it’s borbon. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one tablespoon of sugar or shomething. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whishkey again. Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway ? |
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